6/11/08 An editorial note, please excuse the odd typing. However, google analytics informed me that my blog was being read by people searching some of those terms. Not the readership I'm going for!
T@-t@s, h00ters, bre@stestes, bre@sts. I want mine back. I weaned the baby this month and lost my bre@sts along with the milk. I woke up one morning and they were gone. They were already on their way down, but went from overfilling a 32b to barely filling a 32a in one night. After a couple of weeks at a c cup. I cried and am still on the verge of tears about it. It's not exactly a body image thing. My idea of my beauty or sexu@l appeal is not tied to the size of my bre@sts, per se. It is tied to how I look overall and I look better in clothes other than tees, but those are cut and sewn for bre@sts that are larger than mine. Nothing "tailored" fits my chest. I'm very upset. I was really looking forward to buying nice-ish clothes - I'm done being the mommy in jeans and t-shirts everyday!!
What about alterations you say? This is not a hem. To change the shape of a shirt it has to be taken apart, cut and sewn back together. It would cost more than I can afford to spend on a shirt in the first place.
My mom just picked up all 3 kids for an overnight - a first for the baby - because tonight my husband is taking me out for our anniversary. I'm taking these next couple of hours to shop for a strapless bra and shoes. I'd LOVE to be able to say that I happened to find some great shirts too. LOVE IT. Cross your fingers that I'm either successful or don't break down in tears in the fitting room.
Thursday, May 29, 2008
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
Mother's Day
Yes, I am a mother. Mother's Day mostly sucked, but at least this year I knew it would. I haven't had a truly nice Mother's Day yet. It all started off with me making a point of repeatedly telling my husband that I was going to wait until Mother's Day to take a pregnancy test to confirm the existence of our first child. After I finally asked him if he was going to do anything for me, he huffily pulled into a pharmacy and bought me... a 100Grand bar and an Arizona Green Tea. At least subsequent ones have included a card and occasionally a present. However, I strongly feel that moms should get time off on that day. I was given an empty promise of a day off in the future, when he has a new job, (which will turn into wait until a happens, when b happens, when c happens...)
I asked to instead go out on my regular night for girls' night out and was told I could. Then after family suddenly showed up in town and we visited them on Sunday night, I was punished by not being allowed to go out on Monday. Even though he got home an hour before my meet-up time, he was just too busy to watch the kids. What did that "busy" include? Eating dinner, taking an hour long nap, wandering around the house, and an hour and a half to trim his father's nails.
And here I was, yet again, thinking it was starting to get better.
going back and adding on after that last sentence: Turns out I had really bad strep throat; what did he get at the grocery store? a couple of things for that night's dinner, 1 1/2 gallon kid's milk, AND a case of beer (that took up all the space that normally holds the kids' milk), 2 1/2 gallons of his milk and a couple other things for himself.
I asked to instead go out on my regular night for girls' night out and was told I could. Then after family suddenly showed up in town and we visited them on Sunday night, I was punished by not being allowed to go out on Monday. Even though he got home an hour before my meet-up time, he was just too busy to watch the kids. What did that "busy" include? Eating dinner, taking an hour long nap, wandering around the house, and an hour and a half to trim his father's nails.
And here I was, yet again, thinking it was starting to get better.
going back and adding on after that last sentence: Turns out I had really bad strep throat; what did he get at the grocery store? a couple of things for that night's dinner, 1 1/2 gallon kid's milk, AND a case of beer (that took up all the space that normally holds the kids' milk), 2 1/2 gallons of his milk and a couple other things for himself.
Bon-Bon
On the spur of the moment I decided to make Oreo Bon-Bons for my kids' preschool teachers. I used 1 pack Oreos, minus 5, and 8 oz cream cheese. I found it difficult to combine the 2 in a bowl with a spoon, so I put it in a gallon zipper bag and mashed it up. I made 64 bon-bons that are about 1/2 tablespoon's worth. Some a little bigger some a little smaller. They are in the fridge with their milk chocolate coating. Next time I will use a darker chocolate so the imperfections in my dipping aren't as obvious. And I will thin the chocolate chips more, perhaps try chocolate bark if I can find it. I also think it would be fine to use 2-5 of the Oreos I kept out.
Friday, May 9, 2008
Which came fist, the action or the thought?
Admittedly, this blog has been pretty whiny so far. Which was the point, initially. I wanted an outlet for all the crap I was feeling. I didn't want to spout it to my friends and family and I didn't want to hold it in. During breakfast this morning, I checked out Craftzine's Blog, which I hadn't looked at in a while. On there I found a post taken from Bakerella's blog. She does really cute things that I will be making my own versions of soon. She's inspired me because she's not a professional - she took her first cake decorating class not too long ago - and therefore not intimidating. This got me to thinking about my blog and then my life in general.
Although, I will continue to keep this blog primarily about me, I think it's time I changed the tone a bit. I have lots of small successes that only I care about- so out to the universe they go. This bragging will hopefully boost my mood and esteem.
I'm not only a wife, mother and novice friend. I have a wide interest in arts and crafts, among other things. I know it's not new, I'm sure plenty of regular folk blog their hobbies, but the blogs I've seen so far are from people who profit from their work. (I told you I was new to the world of blogging, not just writing one but searching/reading them as well). I'd see them and think "Wow, that's great! I could try that! (But I'd never be good at it and even if I could, I'm not making a profession out of it so I don't have the time or money to devote to practicing)" This morning Bakerella inspired me to think about posting the projects I make. Here's the conversation I had in my head - at least I think it was in my head ;)
"I could post the projects I'm doing. (That means I'll actually have to finish one first) Why don't I finish things? I don't feel finished. Is that why? Do I not finish stuff because I don't feel finished or do I not feel finished because I don't finish things? Am I disorganized because I feel that way or vice versa? Am I lazy because I'm tired or am I tired because I'm lazy? Am I skinny-fat because I don't feel pretty or..." You get the idea.
In the category of unfinished projects, I bought a kinda nice, spiral bound, divided journal a few weeks ago. In the first section, I'm going to write one thing a day that I'm grateful for. In the next section, I'm going to write one thing that I want to change that I am responsible for (i.e. eat more healthfully) and in the last section, I'm going to write things that I want to see change that I don't have full, or any, control over (i.e. I wish my husband would eat more healthfully). Of course, one of the reasons I haven't started yet is that I don't want to start until I have an exact plan. It is on paper written with a pen! I can't go back, gracefully, and fix my mistakes! So here is my first pseudo entry:
1. I'm thankful I have the brain power to remember that I once thought of keeping a journal when I saw a bargain.
2. I will make a table of contents for journal
3. My "section 3" entries will come to fruition
Although, I will continue to keep this blog primarily about me, I think it's time I changed the tone a bit. I have lots of small successes that only I care about- so out to the universe they go. This bragging will hopefully boost my mood and esteem.
I'm not only a wife, mother and novice friend. I have a wide interest in arts and crafts, among other things. I know it's not new, I'm sure plenty of regular folk blog their hobbies, but the blogs I've seen so far are from people who profit from their work. (I told you I was new to the world of blogging, not just writing one but searching/reading them as well). I'd see them and think "Wow, that's great! I could try that! (But I'd never be good at it and even if I could, I'm not making a profession out of it so I don't have the time or money to devote to practicing)" This morning Bakerella inspired me to think about posting the projects I make. Here's the conversation I had in my head - at least I think it was in my head ;)
"I could post the projects I'm doing. (That means I'll actually have to finish one first) Why don't I finish things? I don't feel finished. Is that why? Do I not finish stuff because I don't feel finished or do I not feel finished because I don't finish things? Am I disorganized because I feel that way or vice versa? Am I lazy because I'm tired or am I tired because I'm lazy? Am I skinny-fat because I don't feel pretty or..." You get the idea.
In the category of unfinished projects, I bought a kinda nice, spiral bound, divided journal a few weeks ago. In the first section, I'm going to write one thing a day that I'm grateful for. In the next section, I'm going to write one thing that I want to change that I am responsible for (i.e. eat more healthfully) and in the last section, I'm going to write things that I want to see change that I don't have full, or any, control over (i.e. I wish my husband would eat more healthfully). Of course, one of the reasons I haven't started yet is that I don't want to start until I have an exact plan. It is on paper written with a pen! I can't go back, gracefully, and fix my mistakes! So here is my first pseudo entry:
1. I'm thankful I have the brain power to remember that I once thought of keeping a journal when I saw a bargain.
2. I will make a table of contents for journal
3. My "section 3" entries will come to fruition
Monday, May 5, 2008
Hubby
I just wanted to add something. I complain about my husband, many do. He drives me nuts and I can't stand living with him most of the time. This is not to say that I don't love him, that I don't wish things were different. However, it is to the point where I cannot always remember why I do love him. So, for your benefit and mine, I'm going to list some of his good attributes.
He's creative - with various art mediums, music and words.
He's ethical - just one example: while preparing to work on his portfolio, he was looking at the formats and example works of others online. He was dismayed to find that someone he knew was showing examples of work that the person was only loosely associated with. He
would never consider doing this although he feels it is common practice and would certainly boost his portfolio.
He allows himself to cry - many men don't.
He's affectionate - which is practically a miracle given his upbringing.
He tells me that he loves me - even in front of his friends which, again, is practically a miracle given his upbringing.
He's family oriented - repeat the "miracle"
He's intelligent - he continues to search out opportunities to learn
He's got similar odd mixes of ideals that I do - conservativism with liberalism, religion with free thinking, government with anti-government, snobbery and acceptance, etc.
He's got growth potential - meaning that the changes I wish to see in him (and that he says he wishes to effect) are characteristics he displays, just not as often as he should. I'm not trying to turn a turkey into a peacock, I just want the peacock to display his feathers more often.
Areas of growth potential include, but are not limited to: Thoughtfulness, consideration, kindness, parenting, and spousing.
I just hope that his stated desire to "display his feathers" overcomes his objectionable "habits."
He's creative - with various art mediums, music and words.
He's ethical - just one example: while preparing to work on his portfolio, he was looking at the formats and example works of others online. He was dismayed to find that someone he knew was showing examples of work that the person was only loosely associated with. He
would never consider doing this although he feels it is common practice and would certainly boost his portfolio.
He allows himself to cry - many men don't.
He's affectionate - which is practically a miracle given his upbringing.
He tells me that he loves me - even in front of his friends which, again, is practically a miracle given his upbringing.
He's family oriented - repeat the "miracle"
He's intelligent - he continues to search out opportunities to learn
He's got similar odd mixes of ideals that I do - conservativism with liberalism, religion with free thinking, government with anti-government, snobbery and acceptance, etc.
He's got growth potential - meaning that the changes I wish to see in him (and that he says he wishes to effect) are characteristics he displays, just not as often as he should. I'm not trying to turn a turkey into a peacock, I just want the peacock to display his feathers more often.
Areas of growth potential include, but are not limited to: Thoughtfulness, consideration, kindness, parenting, and spousing.
I just hope that his stated desire to "display his feathers" overcomes his objectionable "habits."
Ugh, I'm sick
I hate being sick - especially the vomitous kind. Vomiting was the only thing I was still worried about at the birth of my 3rd (which didn't happen YAY!) I came down with a stomach bug on Wednesday and so did the baby. Hubby had to come home to take care of everyone and he stayed home the next day, too. I think he did OK, but I wasn't really there. I tried to make sure to thank him throughout the day. He didn't do some of the things he complains about me not doing. Due to the often contentious nature of our relationship, I have to wonder if this was due to the same reasons I don't get everything done or if he was purposely neglecting to do it because he feels that I do it on purpose. For many reasons, I hope it is the former.
As I was recovering from the bug, my neck and shoulders began to hurt more than usual. A sinus thing I guess, that has turned into tonsilitis. He told me on the phone that he would go to the grocery store after work. Perhaps this is the beginning of a era for us? A kind and helpful husband - imagine that!
As I was recovering from the bug, my neck and shoulders began to hurt more than usual. A sinus thing I guess, that has turned into tonsilitis. He told me on the phone that he would go to the grocery store after work. Perhaps this is the beginning of a era for us? A kind and helpful husband - imagine that!
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