In circumstances that Oprah would certainly have a name for, on 2/6 when I wrote this post, the Oprah show was about "The Secret". I don't usually watch Oprah as it airs, but record it and watch it at some point later. The 6th was no exception and I didn't watch it until some days later. While I believe in some of the basic principles "The Secret" offers, I don't buy into the book or the movie - figuratively and literally.
I thought that the reason this show was good for me was the segment about the wife's attitude when her husband was laid-off. Her reaction was about the same as mine.
Later, I realized that the real reason I was watching the show was to learn another definition of "forgiveness." (I may edit this post at a later date to make the recount more accurate) One of the ladies on the panel said that forgiveness is letting go of the emotional response to someone/thing and not let it affect your life anymore. I had always been torn and feeling guilty over my decision to compartmentalize my grandmother the way I had while at the same time I knew it was for the best. I now see that deciding to only think of her in her prime was a way of forgiving her for her bad times (rather than focusing my attention to her bad times).
As for her husband- My brother and I discussed him prior to the funeral. I told my brother that I didn't forgive the man because he wouldn't take full ownership of his actions and had not asked to be forgiven for even the lesser things he admitted to. (*) I rarely think about that man and he is isn't really attached to any of my good memories of Grandmother. If I can erase him more completely then I suppose that means I've forgiven him. Not condoned, as the Oprah guest pointed out, just taken the power away from a negative so there is more power for the positive. Surprisingly, that does lift a weight I didn't know I was carrying.
*(A statement which I can tell irritated my brother who is exploring his Christianity - a topic I won't go into depth with him on because I don't believe in arguing about non-harming religious views and he isn't of the same frame of mind)
